Want a hottie for the sunny season?
Summer’s finally here! A time to be frivolous, a time to look stunning in straps, and a time to get that hottie right where you want him. But unlike an impulse buy that you can exchange or wear out and dump come autumn, it’s a little harder to get rid of mister hot stuff once you’ve taken him home and tried him on for size! The rules of one-night stands are pretty clear-cut: leave before breakfast and don’t leave your phone number. A fling, on the other hand, is a more complicated affair. You want to hold on to him for a while – maybe you’re on holiday and he’ll do nicely as your arm candy for a few weeks, or it could just be that you’re done with the commitment malarkey that comes with a serious relationship and want to get down to some serious fun with a guy to see you through the sunny days. Sound good to you? The more conservative readers among you will be shaking their heads at this point and tutting: this all sounds like a recipe for disaster. Well, they’re right. But that doesn’t mean we don’t know a way round it…
TRICK 1: Not too easy, not too full-on
When flirting with your prey, he’ll be looking for signs to see whether you’re up for some one-night action or if there’s a more long-term plan going on in your head. Luckily for you, men on the pull rarely think beyond tonight (and if you sense he’s the one guy for one girl forever and ever type, back away quickly), so keep your flirt-o-meter on amber: you might be willing to let him in, but there’s no guarantee he’s definitely in with a chance or that he may be wasting his time. At the end of it all, after leaving him with a smooch to remember you by, part ways. Take his number, don’t give him yours. If he bugs you to go back with him or badgers you for your number, he’s not fling material. Don’t play games like counting the days before you pick up the phone – anticipation or fear of rejection can muddle feelings and get in the way of the straight-talking nature of the deal you’re about to make.
TRICK 2: Give a little, take a little
When you hook up for your first official date, keep the ‘getting to know each other’ exchange above board. He doesn’t need to hear about how your last boyfriend chewed your heart and spat it out; you don’t want to know how hell-bent his mother is on ruining his prospects. The objective is simple: to have a laugh. Reveal only your fun side and revolve the conversation around common grounds – movies, current affairs, cosmic epiphanies and general silliness. Heavier stuff like politics and religion isn’t necessarily a no-no (after all, now’s the time to cut and run if he turns out to be a raging fundo), just make sure you don’t personalise any topic by sharing experiences that may give too much of yourself away. The less he knows about the ‘real’ you, and vice versa, the lesser the chances of getting attached. After all, a bit of mystery never got in the way of attraction…
TRICK 3: Sealing the deal
Once you’ve passed the ‘will we-won’t we’ stage and become linked, so to speak, how you part depends on how long you have to play. If you’re on holiday and only have a couple of weeks or so, throw caution to the wind and just savour your summer crumpet while he’s hot. As long as he doesn’t live a bus ride away back home, you can always pull the ‘no long-distance relationship’ card when it’s time to call it quits. If you’re not on holiday and just want a temporary playmate, make sure you leave without the awkwardness that comes after one-night stands or the delirium of a woman on the eve of a blossoming relationship. Pitch for casual and exchange numbers, saying of course you’d like to meet up again, but make no concrete plans as to when. Then comes the hour of reckoning – any clues as to whether he’s going to be play your summer stud or saddo stalker is about to be revealed.
TRICK 4: Play the waiting game
Unless you’ve picked a complete creep, he’ll text or call to say he had a good time (and there’s nothing that says you can’t be the one to make that polite gesture). Let him know you’re not a big fan of texts or phonecalls and you’ll speak to him in a couple of days. Now, if he doesn’t take this as a cue to play it cool and bombards you with texts, adding little kisses or demand to know why you’re not responding – sorry, no dice. You’ve been barking up the wrong guy. Put it down to experience and move on. He’s going to get too involved. If he plays ball and acts every bit as casual as you’re playing it, congratulations – you’re onto a winner.
TRICK 5: Lay down the law
Once you’re on your second official date and he still appears to be on fun mode, have your little chat. Keep the tone breezy rather than going on a serious ‘we need to talk’ tip and spell it out: you’re not looking for a relationship. You just want to have some fun, no strings attached. Now, this should be music to any man’s ears, but strange creatures as they are, some men will read this as an instant challenge and secretly plan to set about ways to make you fall in love with him – the old ‘what he can’t have’ syndrome. Nip it in the bud straight away. The moment he gets heavy, you warn with a smile that you’re outta here. Now, does he want to go off and do something fun or what?
TRICK 6: Live it up
Over the next few meetings, however many they may be, keep your mind focused on the prime objective: fun, fun, fun. Anytime he gets a bit mushy, laugh it off. Don’t let the subject of when it all comes to an end crop up as men panic at deadlines. The beauty of a fling is that, like a fantastic holiday, it seems like it’ll go on forever without a care in the world to, even though in the back of your mind you know it’ll end soon. Don’t spoil your own fun by letting the thought of the final curtain mar your performance!
TRICK 7: Farewell my summer love
Saying goodbye is never easy, especially seeing as you’ve both had nothing but fun. Don’t be cold about it – he’ll feel used, or worse, feel betrayed. And you don’t want him to turn psycho on you. Just be honest. You both agreed you didn’t want anything serious and if you keep seeing each other, it’ll just get complicated. Thanks for the memories and let’s stay in touch. This is all of course assuming you haven’t changed your mind and started to have serious feelings for him. There’s no way of knowing how you’ll be feeling at this point until it happens. And if you decide that maybe this fling could turn into something serious after all, then who knows? Maybe it’s time to fling out the old ways and settle into something that sticks for a change…