I can’t read my man! My new boyfriend does everything by the book – he’s charming, considerate and generous. But he never talks about his problems and acts cool as a cucumber over every issue, which makes him a complete enigma to me. Should I push him to see what makes him crack?
Great. Find a guy the rest of us dream about bagging… and test to see if you can drive him away! You could think he has something to hide, or, call me crazy, you could maybe enjoy the efforts being made by someone who’s making this courtship about you rather than himself? Of course he has problems, but it’s not easy (especially for a man) to keep a lid on them on a consistent basis. If you’re worried he’s playing you (we’ve all heard stories about smooth operators who turn out to be controlling freaks), then by all means, keep your heart in check until you’re sure. But as long as he’s not stone cold when it comes to showing emotion, you may well have found your rock.

Can a rebound turn into real love? I got together with a guy a few months back because we were both heartbroken over our exes and we’ve often joked about how we saved a fortune on therapy! But now he’s talking marriage – can we make it work knowing we can’t match up to our great loves?
There are plenty of cases where two heartbroken people come together and find a renewed lust for love and life, but a rebound, by definition, is when one person uses the other to get over their pain. In this instance, it sounds awfully to me like you’re that person. Ask yourself: how much do you love this man? The off-hand way you describe him doesn’t sound promising: you’re seeing a guy, it’s been a few months – a girl in love would introduce him as her boyfriend or partner, and certainly find it worth mentioning exactly how long she’s been dating him. And what’s he doing? Talking marriage, no less! Clearly, honey, you match up. It seems to me that you got together because you shared a common heartache, but while you saw (and I daresay still see it) as a transition, he’s feelings towards you has been growing too strong and too fast for you to comprehend. You’re used to him making you feel better, and his proposal no doubt helps to repair the damage caused by your ex who left you feeling you’re not worth fighting for. But unless you’re absolutely sure you can return his love (especially seeing as he knows your capacity for ‘great love’ only too well), you’ll be risking disappointment on both ends. Best not to make any big commitments until you’re certain you’re on the same page.

Sofia’s commandments

1 Thou shalt be confident within thyself
Testament: A woman happy being herself is always more attractive than one on a constant mission to impress. Stop projecting an image of what you think a man would like and instead concentrate on letting your best qualities shine through your personality. If you believe a guy is too good for you, so will he.

Absolution: If going to the gym makes you feel happy, go for it. But ultimately, you’re more likely to pull a suitable boy if you sharpen your wit, widen your interests and brush up on your intelligence. The more you know about the world, the more secure you feel and the less you fear other people.

Redemption: You have to believe in yourself. Because if you don’t think you’ve got what it takes, don’t expect other people to find it for you.

If you have a personal, relationship or social problem, email sofia@asianamag.com