When a guy calls someone his right hand man, unsurprisingly enough, the compliment is bestowed upon a male. Which means even when you’ve got your dream man tied down, he’ll still be reaching out for the man in his life – his best buddy. 

When it works, having him around makes for one big family, with his friends adding to yours to create a vibrant social scene, with the odd dodgy double date proving to be the worst that can happen. But if you loathe the ground beneath his feet, or vice versa, the third wheel could well change into third world war. 

The thing is, while most of us cherish our girlie pals, very few women expect to maintain the same level of friendship once we’ve settled down. 

Once we’re in a solid relationship, our priorities change. Going pubbing every Friday, clubbing every Saturday and sharing smokes the rest of the week are things that simply don’t do it for a woman going steady with her fella. If we’re not married yet, we’re working on it; if already married, we’re working even harder! Both scenarios involve getting closer to the man in our lives and some things are only to be expected. Is wanting to have breakfast and dinner together every day and night too much to ask for? If there’s a movie on, you want to see it with him; if you fancy eating out, he’ll be your dinner date… It’s about two people in love, living their lives together. That’s what great romances are about, right? But hold the phone – who’s that he’s making plans for this Friday night with? No prizes for guessing who it is and, when you point out patiently to your man that you’ve made plans to have dinner with your sister that night, it’s not paranoia to assume the friend will be giving him an ear-bashing about apron strings. The result: your bloke is miserable and you’re left feeling like his captor.

As far as they’re concerned, they hardly see each other anymore – cue memories of the days they used to drink all day and puke all night – whereas you get to see him every day. Where’s the harm in a few nights apart? Your man will even say that’s healthy. It’s good to have separate nights out with separate friends, while your thinking process goes something like this: separate lives, trial separation, divorce and eternal loneliness…

If you do what many women in this position do – ban him from seeing buddy or sabotage their plans for 

get-togethers – you’re going to earn a reputation as an overbearing, domineering cow. The aim­ isn’t to ‘allow’ him to see his friend, but to earn their gratitude whenever you say it’s cool. The only way to achieve this is by getting a life of your own – it doesn’t mean you’re on your own without him – but research shows relationships are richer when both partners have something of their own to bring into it, people and activities to talk about that aren’t necessarily mutual. If your social life relies upon your man, you’ll only end up looking and feeling needy. 

Better still, just bite the bullet and get on with the guy. Invite him round for dinner or even ask him out for a drink – just the two of you. Spell it out. We both love the man in question, us being at each other’s throats is just making him torn and unhappy and neither of us want that. It’s unlikely you’ll end up being best friends at the end of it all, but at least you’ll reach a point where happy compromises can be made and the two of you are civil to each other when your paths cross. 

And if all fails, renew ties with that loud, irritating girlfriend you dropped all those years ago and keep inviting her round. See how he likes it…               µ